Being asked to pick a list of the 10 hottest footballers is a real
challenge. There are so many factors at play – their thunder-thigh to
bank statement ratio always trips us up, for example. So rather than use
our usual lengthy algorithms that take pitch prowess, chin dimples and
astrology into consideration, we’ve gone old school and simply selected
ten players that we think truly make the best game in the world the most
beautiful…”
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10. David Beckham (LA
Galaxy/Milan) - Good old Becks (literally. He does need to start some
sort of anti-aging skincare regimen). David's comfortable posing in his
underwear for money, would never show up to an event dressed in last
season's colours, can handle the haters with ease and we love that an
Englishman is seen the world over as the poster-boy for sexy athleticism
and extreme wealth.
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9. Gerard Pique (Barcelona) -
Voted second only to Iker Casillas in the Don Balon media poll for the
Sexiest Spanish Footballer, the man’s body is definitely easy on the
eyes, soul and girl-loins. However, it’s his facial fiesta of baby
blues, scruffy beard and lips that look like they’ve regulars at a
celebrity dermatologist's office that make Pique so gorgeous.
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8. Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal) -
Goodness, this man is a great footy player - which adds a big notch in
the 'baller bedpost scale. He loves donuts, Disney and dressing up in
costume (both leather and furry.) He's a rare combination of dorky and
delicious. Plus, his name sounds like sex.
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7. Kenwyne Jones (Sunderland) -
The big man at Sunderland has a mega-watt smile and takes the “tall,
dark and handsome” moniker to another level. We didn't need to see him
break out the pole dancing moves to consider him stalk-worthy, but it
sure helped. When he brings his A-game, he makes it look so easy. We
also like thinking that he's easy.
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6. Yoann Gourcuff (Bordeaux) -
"Lashes" Gourcuff (as he's known in our quarters) is a GQ Mofo that has
the modesty to merely sit front row at Milan fashion week when everyone
knows he could (and should) be modeling on the catwalk. Yoann also has a
highly regarded belief system that wearing clothes on the pitch is not
mandatory. We quite fancy the French accent.
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5 = Roque Santa Cruz (Manchester City) - You've seen him, right?
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5 = Fabio Cannavaro (Juventus) - He's been described by our readers as having "an epic ass". Who are we to argue?
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4. Tim Cahill (Everton) - How do
we love Tim Cahill? Let us count the abs. Er, ways. But no, let's focus
on the abs. And it's what he wants, really. His team-mates may be
shivering like big girls in their multi-layers of evil, skin-masking
underarmour but Tim is a real man. And real men need to go shirtless
after every. single. match. Bonus points for the tatts.
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3. Marco Borriello (Milan) -
Because every girl dreams of having a public nudity/yacht sex tabloid
story under her Marc Jacobs belt. Marco can provide that.
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2. Iker Casillas (Real Madrid) -
Women love a brooding loner. In Iker's case we're dealing with an
insanely talented and popular goalkeeper, who breaks out into
angst-ridden spasms of frustration while peppering his conversation with
himself with a few emo tears. The man can’t dress to save his life but
he’s very, very pretty. One for a lifetime, he is.
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1. Cristiano Ronaldo (Real
Madrid) - You can't have a footballer hot list without including C-Ron.
Sure, you might be late for dinner waiting for Cristiano to finish
fannying about with his hair. Yes, you might come in second to manbag
shopping. But it's a fact most universally recognized amongst the
footy-player objectification panels that Ronaldo's got the best body on
the pitch.
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